In the midst of finding out that I was cheated on numerous times by someone I considered my best friend, I have gone through a gamete of emotions I actually did not know I possessed. From rage to despair; from agony to hysteria –being cheated on is the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my 25 years. I will spare you the gory details but I want to share what I have learned, after having just found out 4 weeks ago this tragedy occurred.
When I felt the absolute lowest. Through days of crying. Days of anger. Days of confusion and numbness. There were quick moments of light. I clung to those moments. A slight reminder that one day I would be okay, maybe even better than before! I listened to break up songs, I clutched my chest and bobbed my head to “Best Thing I Never Had” and “Take a Bow”. I sang my heart out to Shantelle’s “Impossible”.
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
It is what you hope would never, ever happen to you. You would hope and pray your best friend would never betray you and break your heart into 26 pieces. BUT with the worst experience of my young life came so many breakthroughs.
a. I have been LAUGHING like I had not laughed in a long time. Now that I know what it feels like to sob uncontrollably, I am laughing uncontrollably when something is truly funny and I am really soaking in funny moments, jokes, sarcastic statements and lightheartedness. The world needs much more of it, and I don’t miss the chance to appreciate humor anymore!
a. I am what many would call an emotional robot. However, having faced such a traumatic disappointment, I am able to empathize much better with others experiencing serious emotions. I may sound super weird even saying that—but I am a Virgo and sometimes we can seem out of touch or like we don’t care. We usually keep our distance, and by being broken down so low I am able to understand so much more clearly how to relate and react to sadness. It has been the most bittersweet lesson thus far.
a. I can be very quick to judge, quick to say no to something, quick to shut people down. I feel that I have opened my heart (with a lot of effort) rather than closed it off. I am open to new friends, new perspectives, new ways of doing things. Although being cheated on was absolutely not my fault, I believe that I now want to see different ways of handling problems, handling relationship issues, hearing people’s stories and viewpoints with less judging and more listening. My heart has been broken OPEN. And I am doing my best to allow love, light, forgiveness and joy inside.